✨What quieted my fear of dying?

It started with my dad, and it's still unfolding.

I used to be afraid of dying. And even more afraid that my parents would die. (Spoiler alert: they did.)

My fear was not a lie-awake-every-night thing. More of a door I kept closed because I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what was behind it.

Maybe you know that feeling too.

What quieted it for me didn’t happen all at once. It came in layers, over years. The first layer came because of the way my dad faced his end of life.

I cared for him for about five years before he died at age 86. We talked about everything: what mattered to him, what he wanted, and what he absolutely did not want. We filled out the forms together.

So when the time came and he chose VSED (voluntarily stopping eating and drinking, a choice some people make near the end of life to allow a natural death), it was clearly his decision. Because we’d done the work, the process was relatively smooth.

And afterwards, my grief was pure grief. Not tangled up with guilt. Not weighed down by “I wish we would’ve talked about...”

That taught me something I’ve never forgotten. Preparing doesn’t take away the sadness. It takes away the regret.

The second layer came through my work as a death doula and advance care planner. I learned so much about what actually happens in the body as life comes to a close, and the more I understood, the less the unknown frightened me. I also got my own affairs in order so my family knows what I do and don’t want.

Then came Uncle Charlie.

In the middle of a planning session with a client, a soul showed up, insisting that his niece hear from him. [You can read more of the story here.] It was startling. I hadn’t gone looking for it.

And yet it never occurred to me to doubt he was real, or to dismiss what he wanted me to say.

Looking back, I think all those years of sitting with mortality had prepared the ground. Death had stopped being a wall, so when someone came through from the other side of it, I paid attention.

That’s the layer that keeps deepening. In session after session, I witness the same thing. The people we love are still recognizable: their humor, their stubbornness, their tenderness. They know what’s happening in our lives. And I firmly believe they are there, waiting for us when it’s our time.

So am I still afraid? Honestly, not nearly as much. I know I’m mortal. Who knows what my dying process will be like. I’ll miss this beautiful, messy life, and I hold that too. But I’m not afraid of what comes next, because I’ve met the people who are there.

The layers that quieted my fear are open to you to. You can start with something small this week:

Tell someone you trust one thing you’d want at the end of your life.

Say out loud the name of someone in soul form you’d love to see again.

Watch for one sign that they’re still near.

I'd love it if you'd reply with your experiences.

In peace,
Johanna

P.S. Maybe you’re curious about your own connection, or maybe there’s someone you’d love to hear from. A private session includes a follow-up Integration Call, so what comes through has time to settle in. Book your session by clicking on the button.