✨What if the regret isn't the whole story?

My mom, the universe, and the regret I finally set down

This week I joined a summit where author and grief therapist Claire Bidwell Smith shared a line that has stayed with me.

"The what ifs keep us from the what is."

So many of us carry a second grief beneath the first. It's grief for the time we expected, the healing we hoped for, the conversation we never got to have.

I know that one well.

My mom died at age 74, and she and my dad were in a wonderful chapter of their lives. Her own mother lived to 91, so I assumed we had years left. Instead, it was five weeks from a diagnosis of acute leukemia to her death.

For a long time, I carried the what-ifs. What if she were here to garden with me? What if she could know my son and daughter as they grew?

(The rocks in the photo are hers, collected from all over the world. I kept them in a bag for years, and finally placed them under a downspout!)

Almost fifteen years later, when I developed my psychic abilities, of course she was one of the first people I wanted to connect with.

She was so glad that I reached out, and showed me she was off exploring the universe and all its wonders!

 So I asked her what it was like to cross when her life was so full. Her answer surprised me: she told me, in no uncertain terms, that she did not want to grow old and lose her capacities.

Something in me let go. The regrets I'd held for years finally had somewhere to land.

The what-ifs were real. So was what is. She was still here, still herself, and our conversation had never really ended.

Here's a small practice for you, whenever it feels right. Write down one what-if you've been carrying about someone you love. Then write a question you'd ask them now. Set it aside, and notice what comes over the next few days.

Ready to ask your question with support? Every private session includes a fifteen-minute Integration Call two to three weeks later.

Book your session at the link on this page and continue the conversation.

In peace,

Johanna